First, I want to start with a little bit on vulnerability. It is what is lacking in the church. Whether its the vulnerability in the church, like showing people what the Bible promises Christianity to be instead of just simply “asking Jesus into your heart,” or if its the personal vulnerability to tell the deep dark sins in your life (John 1:5).
The reason I shared that is because I am going to try to be vulnerable here.
Over the past two months, the Lord has done more in my life than ever before. That is the best way to say it. I think that it is so easy for those of us who grew up in the church to just know the right answers, while living life on our own. We rely on others for our relationship with God, just taking things others say, and letting that be our “revelation from God.” I know this fully well because for almost my entire life, I fell into this. My relationship with God consisted of me never running from Him, because I knew the consequences, but also never running to Him. I made it really far doing this. It was easy, and I never had to leave my comfort zone! I made it even into spiritual leadership here at the Honor Academy as a Core Advisor while living like this.
That is what it took. I needed to be placed into spiritual leadership to see it. I thought I was doing well, and that everyone who actually experienced God were faking it (I did have occasional experiences with Him, but I never actually desired Him and His Word or His life)! In the past two months, God has taken me to a place that I could no longer do it on my own. I was failing at everything I tried.
I don’t know exactly when the change happened, or what triggered it, but God gave me a desperation for His Word and a hatred of the things that are not of Him, but this was only the first step.
The second part of this was that I relied on others for my relationship with Him. I mean, sure, I was actually living in Him and running to Him, but I relied so much on those around me to process, to vent, to do almost everything. I needed to be broken of this.
This is where I am now. I can’t say that I’ve learned fully, but the Lord is definitely trying to teach me. The only way He could do that is by removing those whom I relied on. He has slowly been doing this over the past few weeks, so that now, I have almost no one. I’m not saying this as a type of sympathy story, in fact, it is quite the opposite. I know that this is the only way that I can learn to rely solely on God for my relationship with Him. The place of solitude is a wonderful place to be... I think. It hurts a lot, and I’m not denying that, but it also is a place of huge growth. We are such a social society that to be in solitude is almost unheard of, which is why I think I have been so far off for my entire life.
Finally, this is for anyone who may end up reading this. If you have a story similar to this, or are where I was, I do know a couple of resources that helped me know the Father some more.
-To get a better understanding of God and our relationship with Him, and a desire for His Word, read “Multiply” by Francis Chan (www.multiplymovement.com)
-Read His Word!
Lastly, here are a couple of songs that I’m thoroughly enjoying right now:
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